Being able to Express One's Anger-Is it healthy or unhealthy

for ex-Brahma Kumaris, to discuss matters related to their experiences in BKWSU & after leaving.
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Being able to Express One's Anger-Is it healthy or unhealthy

Post by enlightened » 12 Apr 2008

Hi everyone,

I thought it may be a good idea to start the above as a new topic as it came up in one of the other topics so as not to confuse the two topics. It would be interesting to know what people thoughts and experiences are on this topic. Thank you to those who have already shared their thoughts on this topic under the other topic of 'Having a partner, getting married, having children etc'

Thanks
Best wishes
Enlightened :idea:

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Re: Being able to Express One's Anger-Is it healthy or unhealthy

Post by enlightened » 13 Apr 2008

I wanted to add one more thing on this topic. In your opinion, does being a spiritual person mean that one should not express anger at all? If so, what do you think might be the consequences of someone who hasn't or doesn't express their anger in childhood, adolescence and through to adulthood?

When I people watch, I realise how unbalanced my personality has become due to my involvement with the Brahma Kumaris organisation. It's all very well being told to be sweet, loving, giving, caring, peaceful etc all the time, but doesn't that create some kind of imbalance in one's being, an imbalance in the way you deal with people and situations.

It just makes me wonder that all these human beings around me have freedom of expression, be it negative/positive, good/bad, friendly/unfriendly. Surely these are all vital and dynamic qualities that we should all be able to have and express.

The Brahma Kumaris preach that we must be tolerant when confronted with any kind of defamation etc. I remember being told that if someone throws stones at you, then you should throw flowers on them and thank them.

My personal opinion is that living in this kind of bubble of protection for over 25 years has made my life extremely complex especially when dealing with people. I used to think that being a person who has been brought up with spirituality made me a more balanced person. I used to feel that I was fortunate to have been brought up with such wisdom. But I am only just beginning to realise how imbalanced my life has been through the kind of spirituality I have been exposed to within the Brahma Kumaris organisation.

Don't get me wrong, there were a handful of things that were really useful within the Brahma Kumaris, however, I think that for a child, adolescent or even an adult growing up with fundamental ideas of spirituality as were imposed by the Brahma Kumaris, it can actually be damaging to their overall personality, health and well-being as well as to their friends and families.

The idea of detachment is great, however, I am only just beginning to realise how important it actually is to be in touch with my feelings, emotions etc. and not just blocking them out by practising detachment.

The Brahma Kumaris preach that you must practice being detached from your friends, relatives as well as from your own body. Do you think this is really a healthy thing to do for any human being. After all, we are living in this world and have responsibilities to fulfill and so, is it really a good thing to be completely detached from everyone and everything including your own body?

I can understand that if I decided to go and live in the jungle or forest, live a life of complete isolation, with no responsibility, no work, no family, no human contact, as some priests etc do places like India, or that I lived a completely surrendered life as a Brahma Kumar/Kumari, then I might be able to practice complete detachment. However, the reality is that I am living in the world, I have responsibilities to fulfill, I have to earn a living, I have to interact with people, and so, for me practicing complete detachment comes across as extremely fundamental and a confusing concept.

Well, it would be interesting to hear what other peoples thoughts are on this.

Regards
Enlightenment :roll:

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Re: Being able to Express One's Anger-Is it healthy or unhealthy

Post by john morgan » 13 Apr 2008

Despite attending the BKWSU for many years many students still have fundamental confusions about various issues. My experience and the experience of many others was and is suppression. When the topic of anger arises suppression seems to be there. When the topic of purity arises supression seems to be there. When the topic of detachment arises suppression seems to be there. Suppression is fear based. I can see that my life needs to be improved, that I have certain qualities that need to be changed. The life energy in those undesirable qualities needs to be redirected, it should not be suppressed. To live in fear is not a yogic life, to live in love is. It is true that by not bringing a quality into action it gradually loses it force but supression will ensure that it lives forever. To think that I am a bad person and to fear the outcome of allowing various qualities to come into action can create a cycle of self hatred and suppression.

One must become self aware, the thought process, which is the creation process has to be examined and changed. If I am angry I am lucky that I have anger energy that can be redirected. If I am impure I am most fortunate in having impure energy that can be redirected. Be happy about it, you have the energy that can be used to make yourself whatever you choose.

Detachment is often confused with separation isolation and suppression. It is none of those things. Detachment is a safe haven, calm and very observant, it facilitates clear examination and thus control of the influences both internal and external that are present at any given point in time.

If a person makes effort not to be angry it is very likely that they will fail. The topic is anger. A useful method here is to value calm and peaceful behaviour. Likewise fear of impurity will result in failure but love of purity will bring success. A person may recognise that they get attached to person(s) or outcome(s) and decide that the practice of detachment is necessary. This is good, very very good. But please be clear here, suppression is not the way, clarity is.

We create all the qualities that we live with and express in our lives. As those qualites become more refined or cultured our life improves. We cannot create constructively and creatively if we are engaged in suppression type activities. To think that one can become totally clear about something whilst simultaneously repressing it is inaccurate at best and total madness at worst. True, it is best not to express certain qualities, to have the practice of "not going there" is a good one, but please watch what is happening in you, leave no stone unturned, the aim is to master sanskara creation.

I suggest here that any spiritual guide who puts fear into a students mind would benefit from a lobotomy. We are not fools, a hint is good enough. If one learns to love all good qualities, practices seeing them in others and through deep introspection nurtures them in oneself success will follow.

Just a few lines about defamation. If I speak badly about someone it may be the truth or it may be a lie or somewhere in between. If someone speaks badly about me, or tries to harm me I can choose my response. Christ (Jesus) spoke about turning the other cheek, why? Was he a fool? No, he was smart! He knew that if he let the thoughts words or actions of others dictate the basis on which he created his actions he was lost. Someone acts maliciously, if I do the same I lose the chance of good action during that time frame. I also have to live with effect of the bad action someone else has made? me perform. Some poor people live with thoughts of revenge dislike or hatred for many years, it is a heavy load and poisonous. If you knew that you were going to die tonight what would you say to make peace with a person who had harmed you and what advice would you give them that would enable them to make a better life?

May love be your friend.

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Re: Being able to Express One's Anger-Is it healthy or unhealthy

Post by john morgan » 13 Apr 2008

Conclusions can be very dangerous. Say that because of the way I have lived in the past I feel constricted or do not experience the freedom of expression that others seem to have. I can then conclude that there is something wrong with me that has to be put right. As I conclude this more and more the conclusion gets set in a mental concrete that becomes difficult to change unless one understands that it is easy! To look at current trends, make one best decision and then to create accordingly. If one is not alert the conclusion trap will beckon.

Its a far more useful picture to understand that everything is fine with me. I can then look at what I wish to change and change it without the hindrance of or battling with negative thought. Atoms are in motion as are our lives and the qualities in them. The BK highest code of conduct concept is meant to make one happy. Its roots are in right thinking, from this comes useful attitudes and actions. If there is attention at each step the happiness that no one can destroy will eventually come.

The ability to change oneself is a rare one. It requires more energy that most people have at their disposal. The reason for this is that they squander what energy they have in anxieties, worries, negative thought and superficial pursuits. To become concentrated and focused is essential for change. To root out each thought and attitude that is not useful and replace it with that which is both nurturing and empowering is necessary. To know what one is doing and why one is doing it is the aim. We are much more the creators of our own lives than most realise. From the universal library of possibilities we take down the book that we choose and become it. Acquiring new skills, risk taking and experimentation are learning experiences. Practice makes perfect in this lifelong study.

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Re: Being able to Express One's Anger-Is it healthy or unhealthy

Post by ermine » 13 Apr 2008

Om Shanti

There are not any suppression in BK, it is matter of personality. I was there in BK and had thought about it that we are discussing here, unfortunately those thoughts disappeared as irrelevant. I have already tried to discover some kind suppression or identified it in my brain. But it is always emerging if your follows any spiritual ways, sensitivity increases, perception also because you do not eradicate your ego and just suppress it, then your illusive thoughts that your are spiritually active person, but it is egoistic interpretation of spiritual knowledge.

Same things with anger, but anger is one of human defensive mechanism which could get out control and becomes dangerous. Do you think there is positive anger?

In some medical treatment you have to cultivate anger (not only anger) to control it in certain further situations. In this situation, It is healthy of course, but if your anger became part of your character? Misunderstandings are happened because of a illusive understanding of any worldly knowledges.

Have you red Tibetan Book of Death narrowed by Chogyam Trunga, it is very interesting explanation of our perceptions and inspiration which could be applicable to our life or death.

Om Shanti

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Re: Being able to Express One's Anger-Is it healthy or unhealthy

Post by enlightened » 13 Apr 2008

ermine wrote: Have you red Tibetan Book of Death narrowed by Chogyam Trunga, it is very interesting explanation of our perceptions and inspiration which could be applicable to our life or death
For more than 25 years I was conditioned not to read books outside of the Brahma Kumaris organisation, and so, I did not develop the art/habit of reading books in my childhood/teenage or adulthood. I try now but unfortunately, I find it extremely challenging to develop myself in this area. I hope I will overcome this hurdle one day :roll:

Like the relative of Tete, if someone were to ask me about this film, that song, that author, that singer, that actor/actress, I wouldn't have a clue as I was completely conditioned to be detached from all those things in my childhood, teenage and adulthood. :roll:
john morgan wrote:Conclusions can be very dangerous. Say that because of the way I have lived in the past I feel constricted or do not experience the freedom of expression that others seem to have. I can then conclude that there is something wrong with me that has to be put right.
Dear John

Thanks for your sharing. To change some deep rooted brainwashing is not an overnight process and believe you and me, all i did was blame myself for a long long time. All i did was to say what is wrong with me, why am i like this, all i did was to have guilty feelings about everything, however, through therapy, i am begninning to realise that i cannot blame myself entirely for what has happened to me to date.

Yes, there are certain things which i may be responsible for, however, as a child, I absorbed some fundamental ideas and dogma within the brahma kumaris organisation like a sponge and this has continued into my teenage and well into my adulthood, that to try and change all that now is 'not like going to your auntie's home'.

Does anyone remember that famous saying within the brahma kumaris "to reach god, to reach the heights of spirituality, to become a deity is not like going to your auntie's home".

Thanks to my therapy sessions, I am getting there, however, it may take months if not years for me to change this conditioning. I have every faith in God and in myself that, given time, I will reach to wherever i want to get to, that i will be able to completely express myself from within, that i will completely be who i really am.
:roll:


Regards
Enlightened

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assertiveness

Post by alladin » 13 Apr 2008

Hi. I think that one of the most traumatic phases in the BKs' lives, is when we are abruptly awakened from the honeymoon phase by the abuse of some other BK we thought was as sweet and as harmless as an angel. Sure, no one is perfect, but BKs always think and preach that they are by birth much more perfect than normal people (shudras). Well, we are all effort makers ... They feel very superior to those angry gurus who notoriously ill treat their followers, but anger, and like Baba often says, in other less obvious forms, such as bossiness and irritability, are wide spread in BKdom!

It seems that Baba himself explained that anger mainly comes from unfulfilled, limited, desires, and we can see a lot of frustration among the BKs.Tough life, sometimes: no results in Yoga, nor in service, and the obligation of pretending to be cheerful and contented.

I totally agree with the beautiful posts above, where suppression and the effect of it has been well described. Fear, suppression, labour, force, are all "warrior" sanskaras, if we want to borrow a BK concept. Silver Aged. You pretend a bit and polish it, but soon it gets tarnished, and the vice emerges again because the root problem hasn't been dealt with. Probably if BKs were more proficient in Yoga, they would find enough peace and fulfillment in it and anger would be annihilated at the source. I also think that the way of dealing with any vice, is transmutation and redirection.

We all accumulated sorrow and anger since childhood and from previous lives. In my experience, I think that expressing it as it is, causes a lot of damage, especially to others and repressing it we become ill and lose our self-esteem. As far as I know, right know, is that I have to be clear, preserve my detachment and discrimination power, so that I do not become a ferocious bull when attacked and I can see where I went wrong. But at the same I have to love my self and not let anybody abuse me- so they do not create bad karma!!-, not to be a doormat, and learn instead how to remain cool and assertive. . That I find healthy and conducive to progress and maturity!!

Anger gets us stuck in a pattern, is an impulsive reaction, not an action, a temporary relief, but no solution. It usually makes things worse. In order to become assertive, we have to work on ourselves, step by step, be in tune with Universal laws and do not let ourselves or others infring them, give voice to our rights, if we think we have any, and to truth and justice. Let our KI express itself. :D

They say that Brahma Baba was like that, showing authority well balanced with wisdom and mercy.

Om Shanti.

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Re: Being able to Express One's Anger-Is it healthy or unhealthy

Post by mr green » 14 Apr 2008

enlightened wrote:For more than 25 years I was conditioned not to read books outside of the Brahma Kumaris organisation, and so, I did not develop the art/habit of reading books in my childhood/teenage or adulthood. I try now but unfortunately, I find it extremely challenging to develop myself in this area. I hope I will overcome this hurdle one day :roll:
I also cannot read books any more ... weird innit.

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Re: Being able to Express One's Anger-Is it healthy or unhealthy

Post by fluffy bunny » 14 Apr 2008

ermine wrote:There are not any suppression in BK
You are talking through your ***e.

In case I missed it, please tell us what you experience in Gyan actually is, thank you.

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Re: Being able to Express One's Anger-Is it healthy or unhealthy

Post by enlightened » 14 Apr 2008

Hi
While we are on the topic, I thought you may find this link useful as to why anger can be both healthy and unhealthy. I think it answers some of my questions and may help me to understand how important it is for me to develop this energy as I don't think I've ever expressed it until recently. I spent more than 25 years not expressing any anger at all. Can you believe that? I just bottled this emotion up inside until one day...not so long ago...


Managing the anger in your life

heres a snippet of this article which I thought was applicable for me
How anger can be helpful
In spite of the way anger is often viewed, it can be a helpful emotion in our lives. Anger can help you by:

driving you to reach your goals, handle emergencies and solve problems
helping you express stress and tension
communicating to others what you are feeling
motivating change towards social justice.
In more primitive times anger was used as a survival tool. In more modern times, anger is also useful to:

notice you have been treated unfairly or been emotionally attacked by others
help you protect your emotional well-being
allow you to stand up for yourself and your rights
show disapproval when someone breaks social rules or 'norms'. Anger communicates a message that some behaviour is not OK, eg. you might get angry at Joe when he "beats up his girlfriend" because you see violence as illegal and not OK
lead to changes in the way our society runs. When a group of people get angry over the same things, they will often join together to change the situation, eg. marches against racism or protests against war.
This might be a good book for those of you who like and can read books, i.e Ermine. Please click on this link
http://www.amazon.com/Anger-Work-Expres ... 0971382409

Here's a link to another useful article
Anger: A Useful Emotion

I hope that you find it useful in some way.

Kind regards
Enlightened :roll:

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Re: Being able to Express One's Anger-Is it healthy or unhealthy

Post by john morgan » 15 Apr 2008

Discipline is necessary no matter what life one is drawn to or chooses. There are worldly men and women whose mental diet is mainly the content of (in England) The Sun or the Daily Sport newspaper. They handle little information with the exception of horse racing form and the odds at the bookies.

A person who lives a spiritual life will study his own scripture. Many spiritual have to keep up to date in their chosen worldly profession, this often involves study. Some are highly paid for their ability to process vast amounts of information and their subsequent decision making.

If I wished to consult Dadi Janki about Rudyard Kipling's Kim or Herman Hesse's Siddhartha I would be disappointed. Though if I wished to go into the specifics of sanskara creation or dismantling she could probably write a best seller.

I recall Dadi Janki with tears in her eyes and the word Bhuddu on her lips. She, in the situation she was referring to a class where she said burn your old furniture. One student took her words literally, went home and lit a bonfire. Its very hard to communicate to all levels of intelligence without being misunderstood by anyone.

When the Brahma Kumaris discourage reading anything other than their spiritual literature I can understand that they mean spiritual writings from no other source, also nothing which would contaminate the vibrations they create and wish to create in their students. This does not include studies that earn a living. The speciality of the BK's is that they know how to create exalted states of being and thought that can be transmitted to others. This blessing, which is God's gift to the world - a reminder of human potential - is worthy of study.

It is very good to note that persons such as Enlightened and Mr Green are able to both read posts and make posts of their own despite their reading challenges.

Not all are drawn to a spiritual life, at this time in the worlds history there are more alternatives than there have ever been, though we are all spiritual beings. More people live now than have ever lived before and there are more books on more topics than ever too. Authors condense in a few hundred pages a lifetime of experience and study. Often these publications are very stimulating. Its probably far better to life a full worldly life that a half-hearted spiritual life.

The author of the quote below, in the foreword to his book Brave New World said; I paraphrase, "On no account experience chronic remorse. It is far better to recognise your error, forgive yourself and make good effort to improve. Chronic remorse is very weakening, the alternative increases strength. There is no point in digging a deeper hole to climb out of."

Now for the quote -

"There's only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving,
and that's your own self." "Every man who knows how to read has it in his
power to magnify himself, to multiply the ways in which he exists, to
make his life full, significant and interesting."
— Aldous Huxley

Yes, you probably guessed! I like reading. To just read and forget is pointless, to read and think about what you have read is good. The practice of reviewing the topics that one has contributed to on this forum can be most educational. A little like a diary. Hey, that really angry person was me! :D

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Re: Being able to Express One's Anger-Is it healthy or unhealthy

Post by bansy » 15 Apr 2008

Here's a fun movie for Anger Management

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0305224/

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Re: Being able to Express One's Anger-Is it healthy or unhealthy

Post by enlightened » 15 Apr 2008

Thanks Bansy,

That was a cool video!!

Enlightened :lol:

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Re: Being able to Express One's Anger-Is it healthy or unhealthy

Post by andrey » 25 Apr 2008

http://www.hinduism.co.za/forgiven.htm# ... orgiveness
Anger versus Forgiveness

King Yudhishthira said: Anger is the slayer of men and is again their protector. Know this, O thou possessed of great wisdom, that anger is the root of all prosperity and all adversity. O thou beautiful one, he that suppresses his anger earns prosperity. That man, again, who always gives way to anger, reaps adversity from his fierce anger.
It is good to be balanced - not too sweet, nor too strict. However, our aim is to create such a life where there are no problems at all.

I also think it is better to express than suppress anger, but I think the best is to not have it. Since there are people who become more angry and others who become less it is also possible there is someone who can be free from anger at all.

Anger also has progeny of bossiness, not talking to someone, taking the law into ones own hand etc.

It is said we should make our enemies, our vices into our slaves. We should be able to control our vices, our anger. It is also said for anger it can be transformed into pure wishes. Nowadays one of the most successful business is recycling. It is also ShivBaba’s business, isn’t it. Recycling the cycle.

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Re: Being able to Express One's Anger-Is it healthy or unhealthy

Post by bansy » 13 May 2008

enlightened wrote:That was a cool video!!
Hi
I was trying to recall which part of the movie I found funny. Now It is actually on youtube.
There is a scene when the troubled guy has to tackle his anger by confronting an old school bully who now lives in a Buddhist monastry. So deals with anger best, the guy or the spiritual monk ?
Part 7 : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsZllbK4 ... re=related start from about 7 minutes into this clip and continue onto Part 8 : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8L4WFvv ... re=related

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