Triple ex-BK Jokes

for ex-Brahma Kumaris, to discuss matters related to their experiences in BKWSU & after leaving.
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paulkershaw
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Post by paulkershaw » 13 Sep 2007

It must have been ahhwwful. It's been re-located into lost property - I was wonderin' how these 'xxx' ratd -jokes would go down- ah well , no use worrying bout it eh? Moving on - to other topics now ... :shock:.

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alladin
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mobile phones, Coran and corruption

Post by alladin » 30 Sep 2007

This story I witnessed personally. On a bus, in an African Muslim town, an old man, was talking aloud to himself and audience of passengers, many of which were sexy young girls wearing tight tops and showing firm breasts and bare black shiny shoulders, not to mention their tight jeans! The old man sighed and whilst filling us in with his army experience, complained that, "All this corruption going on! Young people of both sexes meeting ouside discoteques at night ... Mohammed never said in the Coran, that kids should arrange dates using these bloody cell phones ...!" :wink:

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bro neo
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Post by bro neo » 01 Oct 2007

Welcome to the club paulkershaw. No worries, here’s a great one ... alladin sure you’ll love it. It’s hilarious!

2 BKs are sitting in a bathtub,
1 says to the other, “Pass the soap”.
The other one says, “No soap, radio!”

:lol:

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sparkal
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old farts

Post by sparkal » 03 Oct 2007

Old couple in church. During the service, she whispers "I have just done a silent fart, what should I do?"

He says, "put a battery in your f###### hearing aid"

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paulkershaw
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Celebrity Style vs Celibacy Style

Post by paulkershaw » 09 Oct 2007

All the latest talk about celibacy has got me wondering about the differences between celibacy and celebrities (who we know are generally not celibate) ... so I got to thinking about how a celebrity would get out of a car ... so here's my new teaching school manual on how to be a simply amazing celibate celebrity:

How to get out of a car if you're like a famous celebrity:
  • 1 Wear Sexy Underwear (just in case)
    2 Pull your skirt down as far as possible before opening the door (remember you'll have a really hot and cute all expenses paid escort in the car with you)
    3 Have said pre-paid cute escort open the door for you
    4 Keep your knees together
    5 Place the leg nearest the door out and onto the ground followed quickly by the other.
    6 Swivel. Turn your body towards the door keeping your knees together, both feet will now be firmly on the ground in front of you
    7 Take cuties hand, place the other on the car seat and stand up, keep your hands as low as possible to maintain an aura of dignity
    8 Mind your head
    9 Keep your balance
    10 Make it quick, seamless and flowing
    11 Smile gracefully at the Paparazzi and walk with grace down the red carpet.
How to get out of a car celibate celebrity style:
  • 1. Wear huge polyester pantaloons (just in case) -
    2. Pull your sari top down as low as possible before opening the door as it will have rolled up over your fat rolls during the car-ride (but don't worry you wont have to open the door, someone will do it for you) - brush off the crumbs of food left on your outfit during the journey. No-one likes a dirty celibate k?
    3. Phone ahead so that 25 people will open the door for you on arrival. The driver has a cell-phone so don't use yours. No point in wasting money, is there?
    4. Keep your ankles together, all of them.
    5. Place the leg closest to the door onto the ground and ensure that no part of your ankle is showing, a bit of toe through your plastic sandals is OK though ... lift each buttock and turn by sliding toward the door. Do not f*rt ...
    6. Heave your body toward the door by grabbing hold of one seat and the door handle.
    7. Do not touch the nearest hand, (there won't be one anyway). Do try to stand up straight whilst staring deeply into the closest set of eyes you first see. Its also important that you do not crush the sugary oily dripping sweets you've been carrying in that little plastic bag for the last 2 hours. Such is your state of love.
    8. Do not waver in your determination to remain dignified even though your polyester underwear is riding up your cr**k, so remain staring at the eyes staring back at you BUT DO stay in charge of the situation, and only once you're upright and standing stable can you nod and move quickly towards the front door (Note: the front door will be the still wet freshly painted one closest to you) -- Ensure your white sari doesn't get white paint on it as you sweep through it. No-one likes a wet paint sari's sitting on their new freshly obtained/donated/ borrowed chairs ya know!
    9. Keep your wits about you always, cameras will be freeze-framing you every second so remember to look happy and serene at all times, even though you haven't eaten for the last 15 minutes and you're starving hungry. Relax, theres plenty food inside OK? Also you should know that the water now being thrown at you is only rose flavored and won't hurt so stop closing your eyes as if you're under a waterfall. Don't sing the song you're listening to either. They've been practicing it for ages and you mustn't ruin their moment. Such is your love (sigh) for these people.
    10. N.B Important Note: You only have two minutes to greet everyone as your bladder is like hey so full and now its up to you how you're going to get rid of all these worshippers and make a bee-line for the closest loo. (But don't worry as they'll be standing outside the toilet waiting for you when you're finished). F*rt loudly to remind your family outside that you're healthy and strong. No-one will say anything in any case if you do, cause they like ya know L U V ya . Also remember to shower if your tummy works - you've got plenty of time, no-one likes a smelly celibate anyway. The shower will wake you up from the sleep in the car at any rate. Always be a sparkling celibate celebrity example.
    11. Smile gracefully on exit and head towards the nearest table, which you spied out of the corner of your eye on your way in, those gulabs look amazing and have added to your hunger. Eat Well. It'll be another two hours before you see anything like this again ...

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joel
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How to get out of a car

Post by joel » 09 Oct 2007

Great! You have surely increased your fortune through this uplifting work.

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fluffy bunny
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Post by fluffy bunny » 09 Oct 2007

paul, i think something is missing in your definition of celebrity.

Generally, these days, it appears that number one is missing completely.

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paulkershaw
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Location: South Africa

Post by paulkershaw » 09 Oct 2007

How to act if you're the no 1 Celibate Celebrity ...
  • 1. Pose
    2. Pout
    3. ... hhmmmm ... let's ask someone else ... I don't want that position, thank you ...

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fluffy bunny
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Post by fluffy bunny » 25 Oct 2007

Funnily enough, I have no joke this time ... but this photo really looks like it ought to have a caption ...
Image
ex-Dadi P: Is he listening to the Gyan translation or is that Bliss playing on his headphones?
ex-President of India: Ah ... Lucinda Drayton ...

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abrahma kumar
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How to act if you're the no 1 Celibate Celebrity

Post by abrahma kumar » 25 Oct 2007

  • 1. Pose
    2. Pout
    3. Please be co-operative even in climax position.

    (No.3 quoted verbatim from Vishnu Party Ahmedabad topic in Other BK Splinter Groups part of the Forum page 20)

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bro neo
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Post by bro neo » 11 Nov 2007

How many EX-BKs does it take to screw in the BKWSU? :idea:

8)

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paulkershaw
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Location: South Africa

Post by paulkershaw » 12 Nov 2007

bro neo wrote:How many EX-BKs does it take to screw in the BKWSU? :idea:
OK = I'll bite into that ...? One Hundred and ATE?

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fluffy bunny
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Please give a short description of your interest in joining this forum.: ex-BK. Interested in historical revisionism, failed predictions and abuse within the BK movement.

Post by fluffy bunny » 12 Nov 2007

bro neo wrote:How many EX-BKs does it take to screw in the BKWSU? :idea:
I see what this is coming from ... "how many ex-BKs does it take to screw in a light bulb?" 8.
  • one to change the light bulb,
    three to start splinter groups for alternative ways of screwing in lightbulbs,
    one to commit suicide over the fact they were plunged into dark after leaving the BKWSU,
    two to blame the senior sisters for the old one failing
    and one to document the failure of the light bulb.
How many BKs does it take to screw in a light bulb? 108
  • two sisters-in-charge to find the brother that changed the light bulb the last time
    two BKs to make a CD of light bulb songs and sell them to other BKs
    three BKs to run Self-changing Lightbulb Management course for corporate executives
    one BK to find a Murli quote regarding whatever Baba says about what to do with dead lightbulbs
    and 100 BKs to have a meeting to discuss the values of lightbulbs and then have Yoga for the dead one.

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freedom
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Post by freedom » 12 Nov 2007

Very creative, ex-l !! :lol: 8).

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mr green
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Post by mr green » 12 Nov 2007

How many BKs does it take to change a lightbulb?

One brother (to change the lightbulb) and as many sisters who are present to feel instrumental in ordering him around :lol:.

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