I get in or pull him out

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jannisder
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Post by jannisder » 31 May 2007

[From "West Side Story"]
Someday, somewhere
We'll find a new way of living
Will find a way of forgiving
Somewhere ...
There's a place for us
Somewhere a place for us
Peace and quiet and open air
Wait for us
Somewhere
There's a time for us
Someday there'll time for us
Time together and time to spare
Time to learn, time to care
Someday, somewhere
We'll find a new way of living
Will find there's a way of forgiving
Somewhere ...
There's a place for us
A time and place for us
Hold my hand and we're half way there
Hold my hand and I'll take you there
Somehow ...
Someday, somewhere ...
adios

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proy
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Another Elvis?

Post by proy » 31 May 2007

jannisder wrote:This will be my last post.
I hope you change your mind about that. :D

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john
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Post by john » 31 May 2007

Jannisder.

I think it is good that you are now more accepting of your BK friend. To be accepting of what he feels is right for his path is a mark of respect.

When words like 'cult' and 'brainwashing' are thrown around , it can cause a sense of panic for someone in your situation because of the simple word association put in place by the media ... When the reality is that your friend can be a perfectly grounded and sensible fellow and still be a BK.

Good luck to you both :D

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jannisder
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Post by jannisder » 20 Jun 2007

john wrote:I think it is good that you are now more accepting of your BK friend. To be accepting of what he feels is right for his path is a mark of respect. When words like 'cult' and 'brainwashing' are thrown around , it can cause a sense of panic for someone in your situation because of the simple word association put in place by the media ... When the reality is that your friend can be a perfectly grounded and sensible fellow and still be a BK. Good luck to you both :D
OK, not my last post.

As the roller coaster goes on and on, it is as we all know hard to be involved with a BK. One day it is this, the next day it is that ... Mine while getting myself all mixed up and confused. Hurt, most of the time not knowing who ore what i am to him anymore.

I said i would follow Di, and it shall happen when i stop torturing myself and believing he really cares. Stupid me ... Yes, i try to accept my BK friend but he is driving me away from him and he don't even know it. Sometimes i hope Destruction will take place right at this minute so i don't have to do it myself. I am so tired.

Friends tell him that i am the best thing that ever happened to him, still he tells me he
wants to hire someone to take care of him, or live in a centre. He must be testing me ... what a fool. Sometimes i wish Destruction would take place right at this minute as the easy way out.

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Post by di » 20 Jun 2007

Yes darling, this is what it is like. Call me on the phone, I cant get through to you. It gets better. Use the forum to understand him. He has no concept of what he is doing to you, and he is fully controlled. It is not you. You must get help to get through this. I was at the stage of ending it all as well. The pain is so great. It is such a ravaging of the soul and impossible to understand. it is not just the heartache of love, it is a lot deeper than that.

Until we let go, until we are able to accept what is really happening and realise that there is no future when they are at this stage, people like you and I can never move forward. We have to let go of our dreams and hopes and turn our lives into a different direction.

You have such a strong spirit my friend, hang in there. You must get some help and support at this time. It is too risky to stay on your own. You will come out the other side, sadder but wiser and he will be the loser.

The future can shine again, I see glimpses every now and then. I still cry, still feel like my soul has been raped. There are no words to describe the damage this does. But hang in there, my friend. It gets better and you will one day look forward to a bright future. Hey, if someone as soft as me can get through this, you can.

This is not your fault. There is nothing you could have done to prevent this. This is what it is like to be with a BK. They do not see it. They just think we don't understand. They have all the excuses in the world for what they do and genuinely believe they are doing the right thing. They are blind to what they do, but they are not above the rules that apply to society and to mankind, and it will one day come back to them even though they cant see this or accept this.

We love you hon. Just because he is too brainwashed to see what he is doing and what he is losing in you, doesn't make you of any less value and any less beautiful.

We are all here for you, use us to get through this. I did and I don't think would be here if it wasnt for the people on this forum. Get back to me. See your doctor, it is what got me through. You need to get some proper help at this time. Just do it. You cannot save him, you need to be selfish at this time.

Now I will tell you what my doctor said, "get him out of your life. I have seen what this can do to families and people. You must get him out. What is the worst that can happen? If he does come out of it then you can relook at a relationship then. Until then get him out. You cannot save the world. Now is the time to be selfish and look after yourself. This you must do now. If you were talking to your sister in this position what would you advise her to do?" Good advice Jan, it works. It saved my sanity. When we are considering suicide, we are not sane. We are sick and need treatment. Go seek it. You will feel a lot better and learn how to let go.
When the reality is that your friend can be a perfectly grounded and sensible fellow and still be a BK
I have my very strong doubts about the possibility of this. A BK may think this is true, but as an outsider here, no, I disagree. Just like anyone who says they can take recreational drugs and believe they can still function as before. They think they are OK, but we know they are not.

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Post by jannisder » 18 Jul 2007

Abek advised me to read all my posts again and i did.

It is unbelievable how much i have grown and how much i have learned. I have become a different person. It made me believe that God is not just for BKWSU, it made me believe that a lot of BKs were disappointed and mislead. That the organization is one big circus, only good for a laugh. That many are hurt like myself and that the only truth lies in your own heart.

God ... or any name you want to give it, is in our mind. If god does good to you, it is because your mind is good. Its a universal law, like as you can talk yourself to be sick, you definitely will be sick.

From a naive person, in love with a BK, i turned out to be still in love with the soul as in this BK person/body. God gave me the knowledge that he feels the same written on paper. As this might be a get together made up by God ... we both can not and don't let go ... All the hurting that has been done is spoken out, the truth has come out. Everything is clear now.

Di wrote The future can shine again, even yesterday i felt i had to put in a full stop and i did. Today, everything is OK again. Time passes by, with all ups and downs. I have new knowledge about my friend, knowing what he is really all about.

We must have some strong karmic account because it does not end. More and more he seems to be the cool BK, like most of you, only he is still in the organization. Telling me though that he does not give a ******* about what they are doing. Some centres and sisters in charts just ******* up people out of ego. He knows them ... but tells them off. He is spiritual, a good man yet hurting me because i expect something from him that he is not willing to give. There is only room for Baba.

Meanwhile he is still the best friend, never got mad at me for all the damage i was causing. Just kiss up, big hug and never spoke of it again. He knows i will never (at this point) join the organization, but i respect him for the spiritual path he wants to follow, and i honestly want to support him in that. He convinced me that his love for baba is greater than anything in the world. Our dreams are still there, everything is going to be OK, he said. All we want shall happen.

My unconditional love for him can only stroke his hair and say, "It is OK, my beloved friend! You go and get what you want. I'll still be here waiting for you". In a mysterious way we were both together and we have to stick with that. No mather where it shall bring us.

Thank you all for all you have learned me and letting me explore my feelings. The story has not end yet.

All the love in the world Jannisder. You all be good, OK?

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alladin
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breathing

Post by alladin » 18 Jul 2007

Hi, Janis! Have u ever been away from the area u live in, with your friend? In case u haven't, would u consider going travelling somewhere together, physically far from the influence of local centers etc for as long as u can afford to do that? Detox? Change environment + horizons for a while? Experiencing yourselves and your energy whilst in a different setting, away from the usual routine?

In case u will, please contact me, I can dog sit for u! :wink:

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mr green
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Post by mr green » 18 Jul 2007

hi jan, good to see you around,

Maybe I come to Holland and see you one day. I like Holland very much. Last time I went there, I stayed in Haarlem, much less hustle and bustle than Amsterdam.

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jannisder
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Re: breathing

Post by jannisder » 28 Jul 2007

alladin wrote:In case you will, please contact me, I can dog sit for you! :wink:
I keep that in mind my dear! But for now i think i shall meet Mr green first ... i'll be in Amsterdam soon.

... my friend can look after the dogs this time, this will be MY vacation. But ... if YOU need a break ... you are welcome to visit me/us anytime!! My heart and house are open for you!

Love Jan ...

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jannisder
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Post by jannisder » 06 Oct 2007

"I finally found someone" by Bryan Adams
I finally found someone
That knocks me off my feet
I finally found the one
That makes me feel complete
It started over coffee
We started out as friends
It's funny how from simple things
The best things begin

This time is different
And it's all because of you
It's better than it's ever been
'Cause we can talk it though
My favorite line was
"Can I call you sometime"
It's all you had to say
To take my breath away

This is it, oh I finally found someone
Someone to share my life
I finally found the one
To be with every night
'Cause whatever I do
It's just got to be you
My life has just begun
I finally found someone

Did I keep you waiting? I did not mind
I apologise, baby that's fine
I would wait forever just to know you were mine

You know I love your hair
Are you sure it looks right?
I love what you wear
is not it too tight?
You're exceptional
I cannot wait for the rest of my life

This is it, oh I finally found someone
Someone to share my life
I finally found the one
To be with every night
'Cause whatever I do
It's just got to be you
My life has just begun
I finally found someone
And whatever I do
It's just got to be you
My life has just begun
I finally found someone
Too bad he ******* up today AGAIN, being a so-called full time wannabe BK. Ever so lovable but brings sorrow!!!! And you know, (yes you do cause you told me over and over...) he don't even sees it ... What a guy!) But "its not my responsibility" he shall say ... No, it's just my problem ...

FULL STOP!! Think I'll have some wine now ... and wait until i am able to love someone else who really loves me right back!

Thanks BKWSU for this wonderful experience, oh yeah ... the drama ... its all ME ... well. f ******* k you too!

Adimistrator ... please delete account.

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abrahma kumar
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Jannisder ...?

Post by abrahma kumar » 06 Oct 2007

Jannisder ...?

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jannisder
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Post by jannisder » 06 Oct 2007

Love you Abek and thanks for everything.

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Post by fluffy bunny » 07 Oct 2007

jannisder wrote:But "its not my responsibility" he shall say ...
Yup .. that is what they teach them to say. If it did not hurt so much, you really ought to laugh at them. But, please, keep on warning the world.

Utterly de-sensitizing, mostly dishonest or deceptive, fairly de-humanizing ... confusingly contradictory ... sounds like Heaven on Earth to me though!!!

jannisder? We love you love time! (As soon as we can figure out how to undo the padlocks ...).

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Post by jannisder » 07 Oct 2007

Thanks dear ... i shall follow you were ever you go and support you as i always did. Just need to be the strong soul today which i would not be tomorrow dealing with a BK.

You are amazing an love you for it.

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abrahma kumar
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Post by abrahma kumar » 07 Oct 2007

yes ex-l, - Utterly de-sensitizing, mostly dishonest or deceptive, fairly de-humanizing ... confusingly contradictory ... - just some the consequences of the programming and I have witnessed them all at the closest of quarters. Jannisder, are you able to take a practical view of just what it is you can at best hope to share with the brother?

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