You are the first person on this forum to express exactly what I feel. This is indeed the worst part of it. I can live without the 'family', the ritual and the sense of belonging. What is so tough is the fact that all your life you have been searching, finally you think the search is over and the joy and relief is amazing.Sakaash wrote:The worst part of this for me is thinking that I did not really meet God after all, I remember feeling so relieved that my search had ended and now I am anxious again x100! Was it God or not? I really don't know, so I guess not?!
I can honestly say that the feeling that my search was over and that I finally had found the answer probably kept me going for a lot longer than I should have because the questions and doubts were already forming in my mind but, as Alladin said, I did not wish to face them because I was in love and did not want it to end. Maybe the agony of not knowing will encourage you to return and, as Arjun says, maybe for you, you need to stay with it and resolve these things in a BK way from within.
For myself, I think I am beginning to realise that the God I was seeking or connecting with is in actual fact all around me - in the faces of friends and strangers, in nature when I walk my dog, in the sunrise, in the laughter of children, in the satisfaction of a good day's honest work - I know this sounds corny and a bit phoney - for me I could give up the intoxication, the realisations and the blissful states.
What I won't give up is the sense that finally I am opening my eyes, accepting who I am and accepting that life is not perfect and that I create my own destiny and that I am connected with every individual on the planet, regardless of religion. I am connected with all life on this planet. Leaving the BKs has led me to see so much more and my scope has widened to take in the bigger picture.