The UK gal seemed to be having telepathic communication with me. At first I thought this was just another one of my drug induced paranoias or hallucinations, which I had quite frequently. But because it persisted I chose to respond to her telepathy and answer with yeas or nos. She then seem to respond back again.
Anyways this sort of telepathy continued seeminglessly oblivious to my friends around us who would come and go the times we used. Eventually the communication got to her saying you can achieve great things, IF you stop using drugs. I always said, “Yeah, yeah, OK, after this joint.”.
After a few episodes of this telepathy one night she and my friend came over and we were doing huge amounts of cocaine. It was more then I could take. I felt my heart beat really fast and sort of go numb. Then I took another huge hit and my heart felt like it popped and I was griped by a tremendous fear. The fear of death. Then a voice came over me, "Don’t worry this will all be over in a moment". I heard trumpets, as if the trumpets of judgment and thought, "Oh great, this is the end of the world and Jesus comes and finds me doing coke in this tiny little room in this dirty city.
At this point I am sort of floating in and out of my body. Mostly above it and I experience a review of some of the major actions I had just taken in my life, all of which causing a soul level envelopment of grief, remorse and regret. There was then a deliberation process that went on between a consciousness, seemingly above and beyond me, the gal from the UK, and me. After almost leaving the body totally, feeling the contrast between my body and an upper realm of peace and bliss, and being shown some visions of my future in accordance with what decision I was to make right there and then, it was decided I was to be given another chance at life.
I slowly came out of this experience with the gal asking me if I had any questions. After a life review, and seeing visions of the future, I didn’t have much to ask her. I only ever saw that gal again once on the street for like 30 seconds, and my whole life after this NDE has largely been motivated by what I experienced. Since that night I had been tirelessly searching for the truth of spirituality for some years. First with New Age stuff, leading me to 12 step groups, then to BKWSU.
I thought I found the answer with BKWSU but after a few years of tireless effort I decided that it was not my path. I tried going at it alone sometimes seeking refuge in this or that philosophy, ultimately being lost with the conclusion that there is no absolute answer to my question until IT decides to reveal it self to me again. If not sooner then when I die.
Perhaps there are ways to know the Truth of spirituality and I have fallen short do to my lack of discipline and motivation in my BK afterlife. Such as the attempts that I have made in the last few years (and I will get to making more effort at them when I get around to it) at some Gnostic and Zen meditations, Hemi-Sync and other brain wave altering technologies.
The whole Dharamraj experience did not seem very fair, especially considering the big D is not here him/herself telling us the law. But perhaps I was judging myself based on my personal beliefs of what was right and wrong.
Was my NDE just a drug induced hallucination, or perhaps am I a schizophrenic Yogi :lol:? Who can say? I stopped taking drugs that night, which was something I had been unable to do for years up until then. And that was the only time I have ever experienced telepathic communication of that sort or have had an experience with that much impact on my life.
Also, years later after doing research on the NDE of others from all over the world I saw astounding similarities with my and others NDE, apart from the telepathy with a corporeal guide. Other's guides are usually incorporeal or angelic. Most NDEs do seemed to be colored by the lense of the persons spiritual beliefs.
"Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you are alive, it is not." - Richard Bach (Illusions)
- Posts: 440
- Joined: 01 May 2006
- Affinity to the BKWSU: ex-BK
- Please give a short description of your interest in joining this forum.: I was an active BK for 12 years. That was long ago. Now I am just a person.
Since I haven't much to comment about your NDE, may I ask you about your drug use? Do you think your life has been enriched by your history of drug taking? Of course, we don't know how you would have developed without those experiences, nevertheless I am curious how you look back now at those times, having left them some years behind.
I used to say "The cure for any problem is a blunt." (Blunt is a very large marijuana joint). I loved drugs more then anything else back when I was using them. I grew up in a mildly dysfunctional family with a lot of issues that resulted in some quite serious emotional problems so drugs was how I self-medicated. They worked to subdue the negative emotions, they gave me great experiences of positive emotions and greatness and that was the rational behind why I kept on using. Also they were the social lubricant and medium for me in an all important social group.
The other side of the coin is that it made me extremely paranoid, and a lot of the times, latter on in my drug using life, even the highs were tainted by emotional problems and negative beliefs about realality. Crashing (withdrawing) from large quantities of amphetamines and hallucinogenics one time, I swore I was in hell surround by demons (pretending to be humans) taunting me every time I looked away from them. My mother, who gave me a bowl of noodles that day, was actually feeding me worms.
The one thing I value more then anything else in my life is my NDE, for it opened me up to a truth and order of goodness within a seemingly chaotic selfish and horrible world. I am not saying this is what is, I am saying this was my experience of what was. If I have never used drugs I may have never had the NDE. For this reason I say that drugs were an important part of my life. Of course I could've had a NDE from a car accident, and once I did have another NDE from a near drowning experience (no where near as profound as the above mentioned one) but that is not what happened so I am just in a state of gratitude for what is.
Part of my agreement with the powers that be on trying life again and coming back that time was to not use drugs. There has been plenty of times I have died to self-medicate in some way since my NDE, and especially in my BK afterlife but this one direct Shrimat is why I stay clean and sober.
I think drug use and whether its right or wrong highly depends on the individual who is in question of taking it or not. I don't see it as black or white. Many people experiment with drugs and then just don’t take them anymore, but people like me take them to oblivion and love the oblivion so much that we can’t control ourselves from killing ourselves once we start taking them so the only option, if we want to stay alive is sobriety.
Anyways being sober is very productive, it forces us to find creative solutions to our problems that will ultimately, touch wood, end when we break to deep enough levels of truth. I have made unbelievable progress in self transformations during my years of sobriety.
"Without friends, no one would want to live, even if he had all other goods." - Aristotle
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